I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize