haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
