dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
