the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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