I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
