This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
