I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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