i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize