just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize