:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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