Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
