I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
