I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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