remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
