A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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