Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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