totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
