We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
