Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
