At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
