Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
