Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
