Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
