Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
