You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
