Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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