no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
