my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
