I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
