I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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