I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
