I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
