Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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