is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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