can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
