We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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