1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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