I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
