Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
