If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
