We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
