holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
