Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize