I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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