I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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