The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Never underestimate the power of titties
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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