Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
