Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
