He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.