I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.