we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way