Your face is a jimmy john
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.