Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals