i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms