i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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