Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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