Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
