I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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