dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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