He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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