Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
