she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
