i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
