I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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