There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
