clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
