you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
