OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
