I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
