he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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