My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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