Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
