ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
